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monochrome

from summer dark by alaska, KT

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lyrics

i’m just a heap
of dirt and seeds
aching for something
to grow out of me

feels like I’m
a home
frantically searching for
a ghost

seems I’m
a son
wishing I
was born a woman

not this awkward pastiche
I wanna grow life
inside of me
I wanna let down
these boundaries
I wanna erase
my identity

yeah, there’s times when I try to be monochrome
do my best to let those colors alone
yeah, there’s times when I wanna forget what I know
but I don’t know why
I can’t stop asking why

ever since I learned
to read
feels like every shape
has to have a meaning

the cacophony
makes me
keep crawling back in
to this bed
trapped in story
pullin covers
over my head

I need to scrap this 3 act play
but I struggle to write it any other way
stuck in rising action
whiplash
from spiritual contraction

yeah, there’s times when I try to be monochrome
why can’t I leave these questions alone?
yeah, there’s times when I try to forget what I know
but at least I never knew
why I can’t stop asking why

credits

from summer dark, released September 6, 2016

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alaska, KT image

alaska, KT Bar Harbor, Maine

they/them

portrait photo by Max McCormick

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